January 1st, 2019 TO December 31st, 2019 = the year of many memories, heartaches, firsts and also excitement for the future.

To make this an easier read of what all has happened this year, I have listed everything out. As much as I love mailing out cards, especially Christmas cards – I want it to be personal and so much has gone on this year, lack of time and just to make things easier – our card is this blog this year.

The year quickly started off with Bennett being born and if all can remember the Chiefs made it to the playoffs just days after

Just a couple weeks later my Grandma passed and never got to meet Bennett in person

Around this time frame, Ethan also turned 16 and got his license!

Daniel has happily been with Butler Supply for 17 years now and started umpiring this year and thoroughly enjoys it. This Summer was Daniels last year of coaching (until Bennett gets older), while it was a hard decision, he knows the team he’s coached for numerous years now will be in good-reliable hands with Dave Samuel

I’ve been in my current position now or Director of Services with ICAN, since February 2017, but I’ve technically been employed with ICAN since September 2012

This year we’ve made a few trips to Bennett Spring, including Bennett’s 1st time there. We hope to take him there at least once a year until he’s 18.

We also had a memorable time in Branson where we were with all Price family and stayed at the same place my dad and his siblings used to stay at years ago – Lake Shore Resort

This Fall, Daniel & I celebrated our 2nd year of marriage.

Recently, Ethan and his soccer team made it to state soccer and got 4th place! This is Ethan’s 2nd time getting to go to State

Ethan has now started his junior year of basketball and in the Spring will begin baseball.

Daniel’s Grandma Dorothy recently has moved out of her home of years worth and moved into an assisted living facility. While this has been quite the transition, she is handling it all very well.

Bennett is very active, crawls all over, has quite the personality, walks everywhere as long as he has something to hold on to and loves to eat; especially table food.

So far, Bennett has met 2 different Santa Claus’ and he could care less about that bearded man.

A lot of family dynamics have changed. A lot of memories made. A lot of firsts, but most importantly we’ve had God by our side the entire time!

Be blessed everyone and we wish you a Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year!

Much Love,

Daniel, Brittany, Ethan, Bennett and Bessie (and my future outdoor cat, chickens and floppy eared rabbits)

Anxiety. What is it. What doesit look like. Can you see it. Is it something you feel. Is it the same thing as depression. Do you really think it’s real. Are you crazy. You’ve lost your mind. What is anxiety to you?

In the Fall of 2012 I got my first dose of what anxiety looks like; however, it quickly morphed into a deep depression. Rewind real quick, anxiety and depression run in my family but that does NOT mean you are going to carry the genetics of receiving it. Sometimes something traumatic will happen that opens up the box but other times it may be something you can avoid if you allow it. Now fast forward. While prior to 2012, I believed in mental illnesses and anxiety and such but there’s a difference in someone saying I understand and someone truly meaning they understand. And let me tell ya.. if you can find someone you can connect with in regard to your anxiety or depression then stick to that person like glue because not that many can relate. Sure, tons of people are on anti depressants and mood stabilizers. Some may say that there’s actually more on them than not but years ago I could only say I understand to show I care… I didn’t truly understand – it was a bunch of BS. OR let’s ask the question of what is mental illness. I still put up a road block that I have a mental illness. I’ll openly tell people (now) that I am diagnosed with depression and anxiety but a mental illness.. oh no, not me. But it really is me. I used to only categorize mental illness as diagnosis’s like schizophrenia and bipolar but it’s so much more. Now I don’t want to argue over which diagnosis is worse off than the other because it’s not about that. It also depends on the person. Don’t forget... A little white lie and committing a huge crime is the same kind of sin in God’s eyes. So; I have a mental illness. There. I said it. I used to not want people to know I battled with anxiety and depression. I then would open up about it but only in the realm of joking as in saying “I need to take my crazy pills” and so forth. Now I practically embrace it. While I may not be able to control my own anxieties and depressive thoughts, I can be there for others because unlike some I can truly say I understand; help provide emotional support and give suggestions. Suggestions… that’s funny. 🙄 so let’s go over suggestions and recommendations of what to do when facing anxiety and or depression….

1. You can pray

2. Journal

3. Breathing techniques

4. Various coping techniques

5. Find someone who canlisten

6. Stay busy to keep your mind off things

7. Find a hobby

8. Exercise and work out

9. See a counselor

10. Talk with your priest and so on.

So I feel as though I can tell you what all helps with managing your mental illness but who says that one actually does it. I do most, but I don’t see a counselor. Maybe I need a therapist. Maybe I don’t. I feel like I know how to cope it’s just a matter of doing it. Let me tell ya.. I’m not going to pay a weekly co-pay just for someone to tell me to do it. I journal. Carry a prayer journal. Blog my thoughts. Search online for quotes. Primarily listen to Christian music. Take deep breaths. Think of the positives. Stay active to keep my mind busy. And so on. So what’s a counselor going to do? You know what’s worse.. anytime I feel this way the one and only person who could make me feel better and more at peace was my Grandma. I long for that. I search for someone to replace that void. I’m unsuccessful in doing so. I’ve always enjoyed sending mail to people but recently I’ve tried so hard to think of someone to be a pen pal with primarily to accept patience of a reply via snail mail but also someone who can relate and be the best listener, without judging and have those few words that provide you comfort; however, this has not been found/happened yet.

Anyways about 13 weeks ago I started this small group called “Freedom”
. It took me WEEKS to sign up. I had too much pride. I didn’t want to accept my mental “faults“. But I just couldn’t shake it out of my mind or out of my heart so I reached out to someone, signed up, paid my fee for my book and I tried to stay as loyal to that group as possible. I didn’t sign up for this group for my overall anxiety or depression – I did it because I still cry about every other day over missing my Grandma. I’m so jealous of God and other family members that they have her in Heaven now and I don’t. My Grandma was my person who truly got me. She may not have faced anxiety or depression herself but she sure knew how to make me feel comforted, at peace and to have a genuine listening ear. So a lot of people don’t even know I attended this group. It’s not a secret by any means but it also wasn’t something I wanted to broadcast either. The class is over now and I’m really hoping there’s some kind of study to continue on moving forward as I think we’ve all gained such a connection.

So, depression is deep. I remember when I went through my first and worst depression (in 2012, yes I’m jumping back to the beginning of this blog)… I barely ate in a matter of 30 days and lost about 30 pounds during that time. Which that’s the only positive thing out of depression for me is that I lose weight (typically). Although for some that may not be the case. Sometimes people will indudlge themselves in food and gain a ton of weight. But one must remember to not let mental illness define you. There’s a big difference between it defining you and you accepting it.

Here recently in my small group I came across the verse below and it just rings home for me.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 New Living Translation (NLT)

⁹ Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 10 That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

You realize what it’s telling us it to not be shameful of our weaknesses and to speak about them for when you do, Christ will work in you even more. So I’m going to scream it to all now…!  I, Brittany Susanne Esry, deal with anxiety and depression. I take medications to help manage it. Does it make it go away..:ha! I wish.. but it keeps it more stable than anything. I also have PRN medication for panic attacks if I do feel one possibly coming on so the medicine can kick in and lessen it. Have I always been on these medications? Nope! I’ve been on and off of them with my doctors assistance since my first episode. I’m currently taking the highest dosage of one med that you can and I know that and I’m not proud of it but it’s real. It’s very real. Embrace it for if you don’t – no one will understand and then when you’re going through a tough time, they won’t have a clue as to how to assist unless you talk about it with them.

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Did anyone else watch a previous weeks episode of ‘This is Us’… the analogy of alka-seltzer bubbles to ease the mind scenario. You feel like you can’t breathe and going to die. They say don’t worry about it that much. You need to let some things go. News flash — it’s not that simple. You might think it is but you don’t so please keep your mouth shut. I silently sobbed about this entire episode because I felt like I had someone to relate to. Randal’s feelings and emotions of how he explained how he felt is so me (yes, I realize he is just acting)! Your heart races, you almost feel faint, you feel you could physically snap at any point, your throat feels like it’s closing and you can’t Breathe and literally it’s as if your physical body has taken over your heart, mind and soul for that period of time as it just hurts and you have no way of stopping it. If you’re someone who supports someone with these diseases, talk to them. Learn how to communicate. Having that person educated will make such a huge difference as you can relate with them better then.

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Some “pitty-me” thoughts…

At times, I will feel so defeated. Not listened to. Taken advantage of. Not validated. No follow through. Exhausted. (I could go on and on, but you know what… life also isn’t “FAIR”.

I mean, who’s to say to speak, when not to use words of life verses words of death.  OUR OWN MOUTHS HOLD THIS – HOLD SIN – THAT’S WHERE IT STARTS (please envision me screaming here)

What about someone who publicly walks strongly in their faith but behind a computer screen they send such hateful words to you?  Trust me, that’s a thing as I’ve had it happen to me before, even from a prior employee.  Yeah…

Regardless, with all said and done, all of thist doesn’t make you unlovable, it makes you human.  Be blessed my friends!

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This is ME, in quote version –> at least I think.. 🙂 

Latest memories added, as of 9/18/2019:

•Grandma always had the best hill in her front yard to go sledding on! She’d watch us sled, have us undress in the sun room and typically had something made up for us to eat afterwards. We’d typically never take our sleds back home with us as we’d only sled at her house, so we always stored them in her crawl space. ❄️ 🛷 ⛄️

•My grandma was an emotional hoarder and she always kept every newspaper (or just about anyways). You could always count on her to save any clippings that you were pictured in or name dropped. 📰

•one time, Grandma wore these older sandals to church and everyone kept seeing all these tan chunks and sand like material down the church hallway and center aisle. Come to find out, the souls of her shoes were literally shredding each step she took. 😆 and she had no shame in her game! Speaking of her shoes, she literally had 4 closets full of clothes and that’s not counting the 3+ dressers full of things she had AND the folded items on the shelves atop her closet racks.

•My grandma seriously had the BEST homemade bread. She fed that yeast like it was her baby. After school (she’d pick me up a lot), I’d go to her house, sit in the sun porch, watch Full House and eat her toast with butter. A lot of times Kassi was there too! 🍞

•Grandma had this Mexican waterfall that she typically kept at the top of her hill where her picnic table and swing was. We’d sit up there swinging, under the huge shade tree, listening to the water flow, while she tickled my arm, talked about life and took in the peaceful nature scenery that Gods given us.

•At one of North Parks 4th of July events, I had helped my grandma with their vehicle debacle. Her husband brought their daily car and their show cars for the car show, yet my grandma hadn’t drove in years and somehow thought they could get all 3 vehicles back at once between the 2 of them. I explain how grandma is not safe to drive and I offered to help and would take her home first. Grandma got in their daily car with me and we could not figure out how to turn it on for the longest time. We called different family members for assistance and did a variety of Chinese fire drills. Come to find out, it was push start and your foot had to be on the break 😂 mind you, this was years ago so I was not aware of this newer feature to cars

•Also, there was a time I was serving communion at church. I happened to have the loaf of bread. Grandma and the rest of our family came up to the alter to kneel. Something was off with my grandma and she’s all I could focus on. Soon, she collapsed and I instantly fell to my knees to catch her from the other side of the alter. Naturally the bread just flung out of my hands as I wanted to catch my grandmas head from hitting the alter. Thankfully, she was fine (more or less), but at that moment, I thought it was her time to go then.

•She had another scare at church before too. She must have liked making history there. During the middle of the service, ambulance had to be called and she was checked over in the pews and then wheeled out on a stretcher out of church. 🚑

•Grandma also had an episode at her house where she’d stopped breathing due to a new found allergic reaction to shellfish. Again, I thought it was her time to go as she was so helpless but yet she still overcome.

•Did you know that within the last year she was with us that she had fallen at both McDonald’s and The Brick and had injuries from each, yet she apologized to the staff for falling and wanted to make sure they were ok. She was such a selfless woman with such a huge heart. 💜

•one of these days I’m going to get the courage to go to her old houses that I grew up in and ask the now owners for a tour. I had a to-do list right before she died to take her to her West Lee house to recreate one of her famous photos of cooking in her old kitchen, but we didn’t get to experience that as she had already had a stroke and gone too soon. The sad thing is, I had already gathered the owners contact info and everything to get it set up. 🏡

•I miss you grandma. A lot of times I forget you’re actually gone as it just seems that life gets busy and I just hadn’t seen or talked to you lately but quickly (very quickly) reality sits in and I know that’s not the case and my eyes fill with tears as I struggle with this new reality.

•it’s been a little over 7 months now since you’ve left this earth and I still have the same screensaver on my phone and I’m not sure if/when/how I’ll ever change it. This picture captured your 1st time ever seeing Bennett. I now wonder if I didn’t randomly think to call my brother that day to go to your apartment (at the time) to FaceTime us if you’d ever would have seen Bennett where you were coherent. God knew what he was doing that day when he spoke to me to call Joshua. Heck, that’s not even Joshua’s character to do something like that out of the blue. He even stepped up and continued to help my grandma FaceTime us when there was tension and awkwardness from others there that he is not familiar with.

•I haven’t been to your grave in quite a while. Why? All I want to do is take a chair out there and just sit and talk to you but I want to just be alone, no one else there, no worries of someone pulling up and you can never guarantee that.

•you were beautiful in your casket, you truly looked at peace. Your skin was still as soft as always and your hair was just how you liked it. Your nails were still painted the same from when my mom took you the week prior. There’s even a picture that captured it!

•Please know that I know you’re happy. I’m not mad at you or God. Honestly, I’m not sure what my feelings really are but I do feel deep down that it wasn’t your time to go, not just yet. You saw Bennett via FaceTime, but you never got to see him in person. You were supposed to be strong and fight that fight. We went over all this. Were you not protected enough? Was I supposed to make everyone demand more medical tests, exams, opinions? Should I have been more blunt? Will I someday wish I was by your side when you took your last breath? I don’t know, but I wish I could learn to accept that you’re not physically here anymore or that you won’t be answering the phone saying, “Brittaaaannnnnyyyyy this is Granddddmmmaaaa” and ending with an “I love you bunches” even if the phone call was just to say I was on my way over.

Love,

Brittany

What are your fears, what are you afraid of? Some might say spiders, snakes, heights, etc. I once was afraid of roller coasters but after years ago of taking the plunge on Wildfire – at silver dollar city I was set! Sometimes a fear can be related to having an adrenaline rush or even anxiety. But how does one conquer their fears? Maybe one should admit their fears and discuss it. Sometimes others are unaware of what you fear and that can make it challenging as you then are more vulnerable and left comforted when with one if put into that “fearful situation”. So far I’ve had 2 fears sadly happen in my life. My first one was getting my house broke in to and ramsacked. What a feeling of being victimized that is! TO this day I do not care to be home alone, but primarily into the night time. After this occurred I went into this sense of depression but more FEAR! I remember family members (even my younger siblings) staying with me in the evenings if Daniel had plans as I could notfathom being alone. Remember, they ramsacked my house, they saw pictures of me, my friends and loved ones. What if they knew me when in public, but I didn’t know them? They stole my handgun, the one thing I felt more secure with when in public solo. I remember the cops identified the shoe print on my back door from being kicked in, it was a males VANS shoes. For weeks, months I looked all around my surroundings for a small male wearing VANS because I want justice and I wanted them identified! Now with this fear sadly occurring, I conquered so much with it at the same time. God truly does work in mysterious ways. Just a day or so before my house got broke in to, I was going through all my belongings to sell, with that, I could tell what was missing or not. Its funny what things you don’t even know you own until digging through things. PS: not that it was a thing then, but be sure to watch Tyding Up on Netflix and you will understand! I had also been doing Dave Ramsey so I was saving CASH, on-hand in my house for a trip to Chicago with Daniel and some friends in the next week, yet that was NOT found or taken. I feel as though God knew I needed that getaway after experiencing such an event!

Lastly, the most recent fear of mine took place and that is my grandma passing away. Not only was I VERY close with my grandma, but this was also the first death I’ve experienced. Sure, I’ve been to funerals and visitations, but this was the closest immediate family member’s passing of mine. Daniel’s dad has passed and that has it’s own story in itself (we’ll save that one for later), and my Papaw Willard, who I miss dearly! I’ve dreaded my greandma’s funeral services for years! I’ve had numerous dreams of being in attendance at it. I always envisioned myself falling to my knees at her casket. While that didn’t take place, I still had moments of weakness, both physically, emotionally and mentally. This is a process and it’s only going to take time and with the assistance of God. It’s been 6 months now and I cry at least once a week over missing her. She was my “go-to” person after all, especially after a bad day at work for example.

My last fears are losing my wedding ring (I have dreams of this as well) and something happening to Bennett. While I feel that is probably every parents fear, mine in particular is of him choking or something of that sort OR maybe dropping him like you are in a zone and forget you’re holding him… sounds wild but I’m sure you, who’s reading this, has done it with your phone before. Yaaa a phone and a baby are different and weights differ, butttt… surely you get my point. I pray this never happens! I also am petrified of something horrible happening to him. I had my scenarios of this specific fear spelled out at first but then I went back in to edit it because I don’t want some psycho to make it come true or tease, etc. This world we live in is scary folks! This isn’t 100+ years ago or even when you were a kid. The shit is scary! Pardon my language but it is. The world needs prayer! God! Christianity! …I’m a paranoid person.. I’m always making sure the doors are locked, gas on stove off, cars secured, and so forth. What a horrible feeling. I have a routine every night checking these things. I PRAY this never happens but when thinking of it I also remind myself how that would make my life just rip away from me. He’s my only kid. My life. What makes me who I am. He completes me. I crave this kid. I love Daniel and my family but having your own kid and becoming a mom is truly life changing.

According to scripture:

“Peace is what I leave with you; it is my own peace that I give you. I do not give it as the world does. Do not be worried and upset; do not be afraid.” ~ John 14:27

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” ~ 2 Timothy 1:7

So, Maybe fear is such a sense of something you can’t control or have power over. According to google, it’s “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat“. In conclusion, just because you fear something doesn’t mean you have to conquer it. Hell, my other 2 fears in life I hope NEVER happen, one more than the other. So what are your fears and are you willing to “own up” to them? Does admitting them help you conquer them? Maybe it’s nothing to be conquered but something to make people aware of. Fear can be a scary thing. Fear can turn in to anxiety. Fear and anxiety can turn into depression and the cycle goes on and on.

And remember… it might be easier said than done, but always make sure God is in control!

“Hello…Goodbye”  =  One of Allen’s favorite lines..

Today’s blog is of a post I created before boarding for our (AMAZING->”Thanks” Gina Fowler) Honeymoon in the Fall of 2017.  I’ve been checking my facebook memories regularly lately for this post as I really wanted to re-share it on Allen’s anniversary.  It’s not an exciting kind of anniversary, but it’s a time to remember and reflect.  Below is the memorable post I made 2 years ago in regards to Allen.  He passed on May 20th, 2016.  Looking back it still seems like a whirlwind.  Everything just kind of stood still after we got the call from Robin that night at the concert.  Anyways, moving forward.

 

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ORIGINAL FACEBOOK POST: As Daniel and I arrived at the Airport this morning, we were reminded by memories you try and push aside. The last time we were here we had Marilyn Kay Switzer Esry with us and were heading for Jeffery and Lindsay Fletcher’s wedding. However, the emotional memory is that Daniel’s father had just suddenly passed a couple days prior. We were going for a celebration but leaving with something lost. While reminiscing this morning I realize how God works in such mysterious ways! The day before Allen passed, I went out to hang with him and help with some medical things/appointments. Later that day I had this strong urge to invite them over for dinner. And to all of our surprise, big A actually came over and had dinner with us. We don’t think he ever had came over to dine and for it to be so spontaneous meant even more! I cooked dinner that night as Daniel was at baseball practice. I remember getting irritated because Daniel was taking so long and I was trying to manage the stove, oven and bbq grill. I had fixed hamburgers, turkey burgers, and pasta salad (don’t remember what else) but in hind sight Daniel was late because he was asking for my parents blessing to propose while we were in Florida later that week. We ate outside that night and we had to constantly tell Allen how we were in the city and he couldn’t yell and holler out profanity like he would at home. I teased him how he needed to behave while we were all gone and for him to hold down the fort. He kept saying that night how much he appreciated the dinner and we teased him to eat more or we’d take him to the hospital bc he was barely wanting to eat. Since he wouldn’t eat much I did offer him a beer (even though he was trying to be on his best behavior 😉). I gave him a Busch Light and I’ll never forget his facial expression as he said it tasted like “horse piss”. Allen was pretty stubborn after all. That night he gave Daniel a History journal from when he was young and got emotional giving it to Daniel as he told him to remember him by that, not his older years actions/choices. If only we knew that was the last time we’d see him. Deep down I think he knew himself though. I didn’t know him for too terribly long but gosh I loved that man! We totally got each other and loved giving each other crap. Daniel never got to tell his Dad we’d be getting married as the next night, Daniel and I went to a Billy Currington concert in Columbia and got the call you never want to get. We didn’t get to see the concert as we raced home. The ambulance lights around the Boar’s Nest, the stillness of people in awe and the raw emotions will probably never leave my mind. I always wonder what ol’ Allen would say if he was still here to tell him we were expecting. I like to think he’d say, “well G** damn Feefer ain’t that some shit!” And then he’d get emotional out of pure excitement. Be grateful for the little, precious moments you have in life. You never know when you won’t have them again.

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Since, so many great things have happened… Jeff & Lindsay got married; as well as Daniel and I.  Both these couples have had precious baby boys; as well as Josi and the Kellogg clan!  Bennett’s middle name (Wayne) is named after Allen, as he LOVED John “Wayne”, but the name Wayne also runs on Marilyn’s side of the family too.  Sometimes I stop and envision what life would be like with Allen and Bennett here.  I think Allen would just crack up at him and Bennett just grin ear to ear.  They would talk (and “coo”) about going hunting and fishing and how Allen would make Bennett do all the grunt work.. LOL!  Regardless, he is definitely remembered and never forgotten!

For the love of PBR Big A - miss you buddy.. CHEERS!!! 🍻

 

 

 

As stated before, I enjoy blogging primarily for the simple fact that I am electronically capturing my thoughts & emotions to some day remininse on later in life.  Below are the vows that I wrote to Daniel for our wedding day; September 30th 2017.  Daniel and I wrote our own vows to each other AND did traditional vows.  Heck.. we took Communion as I felt that was very important to do, yet neither one of us are Catholic (shout out to Methodists! 😉 ).  I did; however, go to St. Pius Pre-School/Day Care growing up, so maybe that counts?  Speaking of that, anyone remember me saying the Pledge of Allegiance and then saying “Father, Son, Holy Spirit” and doing the signing for it before dinners?!?!  Anyways, Daniel ended up writing his on one our grocery lists! HA!  Then there’s me.. the “planner” of the relationship who had theirs wrote a little over a year in advance… No Shame In My Game!

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Daniel,

It is September 13th of 2016 and I am starting the process of writing my vows.  You know me… I don’t like traditional or anything easy in life 😉  soo.. I didn’t want to forget any of my randomness throughout this year.  I wanted to start off by saying that you picked me, I didn’t pick you.  I’m sure you’ve heard this a time or two from me but now I want to tell/remind you that regardless of who picked who first, I pick you forever.  Gosh… a wedding can really bring out one’s cheesiness/emotions.  Anyways, let’s go back into the past when I think you thought I liked the bad boy type. You wouldn’t open my snap chats instantly or respond asap.  Let me tell ya, that can drive a girl crazy.  Fast forward to when I went to Haiti.  I thought I would be coming back to well… nothing.  Oh but was I wrong… I think that was the true turning point.  Feelings evolved tremendously and we go from me not knowing we were even ‘dating’ to us falling in love.  Then again you taking care of me with my house and me breaking my arm really helped too.  Again so cheesy but whatever.  I now seriously can’t see you not being in my life.  Who can say they genuinely like hanging out with their significant other?  I sure can!  (I’M PRETTY SURE I DIDN’T END UP SAYING THE PRIOR INFO ON THE ACTUAL WEDDING DAY & THAT I JUST STARTED FROM HERE, MOVING FORWARD) Daniel, you are more to me than just my soon to be husband.  You are the person I vent to, share memories with, look forward to seeing, laugh with, cry, boss around, and pester.  So now that you know how much you mean to me I will go ahead and make our so-called house rules quote, un-quote ‘official’ in our vows…

1. I promise to always supply the toilet paper as I’m the one who uses the most of it. (PS: WE DO HAVE SHARED BANK ACCOUNTS, BUT I USE MOST OF THE TP SO I AM THE ACTUAL “PURCHASER” OF IT)
2. I will always allow you to wash the dishes by hand, as long as I only have to put them away once they’re clean & dry.
3. I will try my hardest to keep up with the laundry even though I despise doing it.
4. I will continue to help mow the lawn, especially since I think I’m getting good exercise out of it when I’m doing it.
5. I will continue to want to really only fix the sides of a meal and you do the main part, grilling, etc.

Most importantly, I promise to continue to work on myself as long as we live – to better myself as much as possible, because you treat me way better than I probably treat you/deserve.  You actually make me think before I speak a lot and that itself, says a lot.

So here’s to us and our future… if I had a drink in my hand I would toast, but this was really supposed to be a vow! ☺  I LOVE YOU!

PS: I hope my vows topped yours!  Hahaha…

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The 2 quotes below have actually never been shared with Daniel, but it makes me think of us and of course it’s Disney related – which i LOVE!  For our wedding I tried to make just about everything sentimental.  The flower girls (which were a couple of our adult friends) did not drop flower petals.. they dropped pages of Disney books in the shapes of hearts.  A lot of the music played during dinner time was from various Disney soundtracks, but of course Matilda too!  There’s many more, but maybe that will be for another blog entry some time?

“You and me… we’re in a club now.  You will always be my greatest adventure” -UP

“If I never knew you
If I never felt this love
I would have no inkling of
How precious life can be
And if I never held you
I would never have a clue
How at last I’d find in you
The missing part of me
If I never knew you
I’d be safe but half as real
Never knowing I could feel
A love so strong and true
I’m so grateful to you
I’d have lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you”

-Pocahontas

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Much Love,

Brittany

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PS: You are seriously an amazing daddy to Bennett, Ethan too of course!

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PSS: Here are some FUN, important dates for Daniel & I!

• met June 29th, 2013 ” Beaners
• First Date = October 31st, 2013 @ Chipotle
• Daniel said, “I love you” on January 1st, 2014
• I said “YES!” on May 27th, 2016
• “I do” — September 30th, 2017
• June 13th, 2018… found out we were expecting (I was only 5 weeks pregnant here)
• October 6th, 2018 –> found out we are having a BOY!
• January 16th, 2019-Bennett arrives by Emergency C-Section
• February 16th (Bennett’s original due date, but he came 1 month early!)
• the rest is history OR the future, whatever you want to call it

 

. Port Au Prince – St. Mark – Gonaive .
. Hope Community Project .

Day 1: Arrived at the airport, took a 3-hour bus ride to our inn. The ride was intense! They have no street rules. We were honking the entire time (their way of communicating). We’d pass people and swerve everywhere while on traffic was coming at us. The bus ride we were squished! The entire ride to our inn there were people everywhere, the streets, the hills, etc. the huts/shacks/slums were rough. We couldn’t take pictures as they are superstitious. People would be right on the edge of the bus trying to hop on or just standing while we were going X amount of mph. the sides of the roads reminded me of the story in the Bible where Jesus comes to the temple and sees everyone selling/begging for items. It was back to back huts selling things. Trash was everywhere and there’s fields where they burn it. The villages are separated by walls. Hardly anyone has electricity. We arrived at the inn and it was gorgeous. It was nothing what I expected (a lot better!). We were guarded by walls and guardsmen at our inn. There are 5 gorgeous houses, a pool (that’s green) and a kitchen/eating area outside. Last night for dinner we had chicken legs, a type of potato salad, sautéed carrots and onions, a spaghetti mix and bread. Everyone got their own beds and the houses are large. As I sit here, I stop and think that this feels as if it’s a godly vacation that opens my eyes to the world and what’s around me. Last night after showering with no hot water and getting in to bed I laid there windblown. Before showering, I chatted with people and I was discussing how bad/guilty I felt for staying here because we are literally in the backyard of the slums, there’s just a wall between them and “paradise”. I wanted to go out there and help people and risk myself for others but its no that simple. While discussing my thoughts/feelings one of the group leaders said to not feel bad because with us staying here it helps them out because it offers them jobs and our funds to stay here fund them. The lady who owns it here grew up here and eventually moved with her family to Boston and owns a restaurant there. She just so happened to be here during our trip. She’s also the one who makes our meals (breakfast and supper). So, as I’m lying in bed reflecting on the 1st day of this trip I pull out my daily devotional I got as a gift from church. It read, “SO CHOSEN BY GOD FO RTHIS NEW LIFE OF LOVE DRESS IN THE YOU. COMPASSION, KINDNESS, HUMILITY, QUIET STRENGTH, DISCIPLINE. BE EVEN TEMPEREED, CONTENT WITH SECOND PLACE, QUICK TO FORGIVE ON OFFENSE. FORGIVE AS QUICKLY AND COMPLETELY AS THE MASTER FORGAVE YOU. AND REGARDLESS OF WHAT ELSE YOU PUT ON WEAR LOVE. ITS YOUR BASIC, ALL-PURPOSE GARMENT. NEVER BE WITHOUT IT” Colossians 3:10-14. After reading that I wondered if this was paraphrased and/or shortened, so I looked it up. After finding the verse I realized chapter 3 wasn’t very long so I decided to read the whole thing, why not? On the 2nd verse it states to “think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth”. While in Haiti, this is so true. I have no phone service, internet connection, any form of communication back home and we are on Haiti time – no rushing/stress, everyone is just chill and laid back/relaxed. No worries — be happy! With that being said its so much easier to reflect on god and heaven when you have no worries or distractions such as reality and/or back home. This taught me patience (still working on though) and to chill out as there is absolutely no reason to let things bother you, just relax and put it in God’s hands. Verse 8 spoke to me as it said, “but now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behaviors, slander and dirty language”. I mean seriously, why be mad at someone when god is in control and can take care of it. “Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us”. Take time to contemplate your thoughts and forgive anyone who offends you. God forgives us and we should too! Be thankful for what you have because what you have are riches compared to the life of Haitians. Live in peace as it makes life less stressful. Its funny how god can speak to you. My 1st day here and my first day’s devotional go hand in hand with each other and I didn’t even read my devotional until after the day was over with! God is good, all the time!

Day 2: breakfast was to be served at 8am, so I get my alarm for 7:40am, however the sun is so bright and rises much earlier that I awoke around 6. I slept amazingly, then again id been up since 3am the previous day with only a few hours of sleep. I got up and everyone went to breakfast. The cook/owner set up table and chairs for us to eat outside which was gorgeous. We had bread and PB, scrambled eggs, spicy noodles with sautéed onions that were very good and passion fruit which was delicious! We then loaded up and went to the orphanage. As we got closer to our destination kids started running along the side of the bus and they’d just wave and smile real big when they saw us. The orphans were so loving and then they opened the orphanage’s gate doors and the community kids came running in and a little girl named Janelle instantly bonded with me. Shed never leave my side. Soccer, gymnastics, photo taking and hanging out was had by all. We all went inside for VBS and sang worship songs in their language and then the story of Jesus being crucified, Mary Magdalen finding him gone after he was buried how he rose and will return AGAIN was told and translated for them. The kids were very excited and were clapping, praising and stomping for joy. VBS was then over and everyone went back to doing the same things. I got my hair braided very tightly but they couldn’t corn row it because it was too soft, they said. Back to the inn we go to get ready for the party the kids are to arrive at 2pm, but its Haiti so there’s no telling when they’ll arrive. The children arrived a little after 2:30pm and they were dressed in their Sunday best! They quickly changed and jumped in the pool. Fun was had by all with swimming, music, dancing, soccer, games, etc. one little boy was such a flirt and had me dance with him. We then had dinner with everybody. I chaperoned Walter, he was a doll and probably 10 or under. We ate spicy noodles, fried potato wedges and hot dogs. The bread for the hot dog bun was so fresh and warm, the owner’s brother is a baker. We all cleaned up and watched the movie Horton hears a who in French. When the kids were swimming, I sat around enjoying life just by watching them be so thrilled to be swimming. Its funny because the kids would either have bathing suits or just swim in their underwear, yet it didn’t bother them. Its crazy how here everyone is so free spirited and careless about their looks as in if their clothes match or if there’s holes yet in America appearance is everything and you are judged upon what you look like. How can one country be so different from another? America is beyond grateful for what they have and yet we probably don’t even realize it. Tonight, I bonded with Walter, my “dinner date” and Emerson my sweetheart of a soccer buddy. We are on hours ahead here compared to America. Its 7:30pm now and I am warn out! During the movie it was enjoyable but not my 1st pick; however, if you stop and think about it there was a lesson to be learned and it was even stated in the movie. “A person’s a person no matter how small (different) they are”. I want to remember that we as Christians should not judge because someone is different or has different thoughts as you. Age, race, sec or wealth, etc. does not matter its what’s inside and the feelings you express for one another. Of course, we are human too though and all sin. All day yesterday and earlier today I didn’t think about utilizing my phone but earlier today as a humane American I missed it. Of course, its great to be outside of society but I enjoy connecting with those I care about so that was kind of a struggle knowing I have no possible way to contact someone, dang US Cellular. Ha!

Day 3: I awoke and went to breakfast, it was hot dogs, eggs and bread and PB. We went to the orphanage shortly after breakfast. On the way there we were deciding who was going to do what: help with medical, help with dental, or play with kids. I volunteered myself to help with medical and I got to write out scripts. The line for people to be seen was huge and exhausting. I got to sit right in with the doctors and write down everyone’s diagnosis/symptoms and the medications needed. We were quickly seen by a boy with a broken arm. This boy was balling, and it was very apparent it was dislocated. We also someone with a hyper extended knee, a child whose mother had passed, and his aunt had taken him in. after this day, I bawled my eyes out. I didn’t show emotion while helping everyone though. I just felt like my talents in life were completely useless today. People were seriously hurting so bad and we could only do so much. There was one boy with autism, and it was very apparent, but the parents were clueless and didn’t understand when explained. He had to of been at least 4 years old and couldn’t talk still. A 17-month-old girl came in needing nutrients. She seriously only looked like a 3-month-old baby. Gosh dang.. Americans can be such greedy people.

Day 4: back at the clinic, a woman comes in with breast cancer but doesn’t trust the doctor’s opinion on it. Even to the point where she can’t look him in the eyes. So in the last 2 days there are so many physical things people are going through and after speaking with Kim (someone on the mission trip with us), she reminded me how there’s no reason for us to judge or joke about things of sort as god gave us this body and we should be proud and joyous, not joking or making fun, be positive  no negativity. Today I felt so at peace and that is such a glorious feeling. Today I snuck some crackers and water from the inn (it’s safe there, for the most part) to give to some people. For dinner, we had chicken legs, mac salad, rice, bean sauce, onions, grits and fried potatoes.

• I eventually stop journaling, but we were to fly back home, but the winter weather was so bad that we ended up having to rent vehicles to drive back from Miami, FL. It was quite a long trip but even longer when you somehow ingested Haiti water and are getting sick 😉

• So, what all else did I learn & take place while here..? I kept hearing “Hosanna is in the house, devil is NOT welcome”. How true is this! Wow.. it still brings me chills to this day. The main people saying this was the kids from the Orphanage. Man, they got that down for sure! I learned that “it takes a village to raise a family”. No need to explain because it goes for SOOO many things! Have you thought about the difference between mercy and justice? If not, be sure to do so. Lastly, Jesus is a show off! Seriously, think of all the miracles in this world, what good He provides us. Just anything, day in and day out. He is just simply awesome!

1/16/2019, Bennett’s birth story:

Came one month early

Placenta ruptured. Happens to 1 in 100 woman. Doctors and residents said they rarely see that happen. Main nurse said this was her first time seeing it and she’s been here for two years. Nurse on second night here said it happens maybe once a year. Normally when it happens it’s bc someone fell prior or got in an accident.

Lost 1,000 cc (1 liter) of blood during the c section, that’s not counting what was lost prior to being cut open. Never was dilated.

How I wanted to ask nurses to pray but didn’t Bc it wasn’t the time or place for the situation. Come to find out my nurse Rebekah is Christian. Was homeschooled. Has a 9 month old she might do the same with. Husband is currently an intern to get preaching degree but may end up being a high school history teacher. The older female anesthetist once I was in recovery said she was praying for me and does so every morning at 5am for all her patients that day.

They asked if I wanted music and what type and I said I didn’t care. Come time of blood pressure dropping and such I just kept repeating Lord I need you and other lyrics from that song.

The OR room was So bright and white. Like a movie or ER show. Daniel was late and I kept wondering and asking where he was. Felt very alone and scared but knew I needed to stay calm. He was getting dressed out. Upon his arrival I was already cut open and he saw the people sprinting and hollering with the tense moment. He almost missed Bennett coming out. He got a quick pic of him and he was very bloody but mainly very limp. I then recall Daniel leaving the room. Originally he said he wouldn’t cut the cord but come to find out he didn’t cut from belly but cut to shorten it later. Bennett didn’t make a sound. I asked and they said he was in shock and needed oxygen. I just wanted my baby to be ok. I couldn’t feel anything I was so numb. I remember asking the male anesthesia if I could raise my right arm bc my fingers were so tight, numb and swollen. I told them from the get go I didn’t want to see anything and to keep the curtain up. When doctors got Bennett out and was cleaning me up and such. I could see their heads and they had blood on their masks, all over fronts and up their arms.

Very traumatic. Doctor said if waited another hour to come in which I said wouldn’t make sense with bleeding so much that he could have died Bc if placenta would have detached 100% from the uterus he would die instantly.

Born at 2:11pm. Daniel texted his mom at 4:30pm. Daniel has been so proud and attentive to Bennett and trying to spend as much time with him as possible. I only got to see and touch Bennett real quick for 15 minutes on day one and then had to stay in bed and rest the remainder of the day.

Day one I didn’t feel any attachment to Bennett. I feel guilty about it now on day two. Everything happened so fast, so scary and since I couldn’t be with him I didn’t even feel like he was mine. Day 2 at night as I’m typing this and my eyes are getting tear filled Bc I miss him and want him right next to me.

16th, morning of, I had a 9am meeting at work. Hardly anybody was in it. 10am, meeting is over and I have to pee so go to front lobby bathroom. I take a step in and think I had a feeling like I started my period. I sat to pee and underwear and jeans already had blood in them. I think my heart skipped a beat or two. I step out of bathroom. Go to office. Grab belongings. Call Daniel and we meet at the house. Leaving ican all managers and admin were huddling in hallway and Enola said how flushed I looked I said I was bleeding through and needed to leave. Dawn said everything would be ok. Offered to drive me and told me to text her when I made it home safely to meet Daniel to which I did. Once in car I call mom who just recently dropped abbey off at mox to go back to school in Tampa. She was then going to Mamaws surgery. I tell her what’s happening. She said meet at hospital. She gets very choked up and then calls dad. I call hospital and ask what to do. They ask me questions and I end up in emergency room. I had bled through jeans and onto towel on way to hospital. Jeans are soaked. Blood is going everywhere. I get seen by so many people very fastly. The Ivs hurt so bad going in. They said bigger than usual. Dr Theis only happened to be here bc wednesdays are her labor and delivery days. They run all labs and they come back good. I haven’t done any vaginal exams prior and did them just then. My cervix hadn’t opened yet. 2 hours or less into this room I become in the worst pain. Daniel said to stop being stubborn and call the nurse. I said no bc maybe this is what’s supposed to happen anyways. I said then I felt like I could just cry Bc I hurt so bad. As soon as a tear came out I instantly pushed for nurse who came in and she immediately called for doctor and back up. I then sign paperwork super fast, get talked into epidural and I’m in the OR getting ready to deliver. Prior, dr theis said we’re having baby today and I said when = in like an hour and she said oh less. I asked tons of questions. C section typically takes one hour and twenty minutes and mine only lasted like 40 minutes. The epidural was so hard. I was scared as this was the one thing I didn’t want. They refused to put me asleep as I said I didn’t want to see or hear anything. They wouldn’t allow unless needed. Which could have happened. I had to sit with legs off bed, palms up, leaning my body forward and sticking out my spine. Needles didn’t hurt at first but I was sweating purfusely. My face was practically in nurses chest. Last shot or whatever it was hurt so bad I screamed very loudly and then yelled the f word. I quickly apologize and ask what happened but nurse thought maybe I just wasn’t numb enough. I get laid down and can’t feel a thing. Once laid down doctor yells both blood pressures are down and then everyone is literally sprinting and screaming and working way faster so the emergency c section went from emergency to extreme emergency.

Bennett went to nicu as he is a premie. Was on oxygen but only for less than an hour. Wasn’t on heater long as he was regulating his heat on his own. Sugar is low and not being consistent with wanting to eat. He acts hungry but then just gets so tired.

Day 1 didn’t eat. Had McDonald’s hash brown and bacon egg and cheese biscuit with couple sips of caramel iced coffee for breakfast. Was restricted to limited things to eat. Either crackers graham crackers or jello. None sounded good anyways. I was so sore and zero appetite. During the night I ended up eating saltines as I was to get catheter out at midnight but bc of not eating or drinking I had to get it out at 1am instead. If they took it out without me eating and such I probably wouldn’t have been able to go on my own like I had hoped and then they’d have to insert the catheter in me again not numb and that would of hurt. Nurses came in literally non stop on night one. Plus all the monitors and lights went on and off last night too. I wore things on my legs to not get blood clots and that was quite uncomfortable.

I miss Bessie while at the hospital.

Got bandage off of incision. I’m quite gassy now due to air getting inside it they said.

When robin visited she got to hold Bennett and nurse asked if she was the other grandma lol nooo she’s the aunt silly!

VISITOR LOG:

Day 1: my parents all day then Mamaw and papaw and Nancy and Kristy happen to stop by together.

Day 2: visitors were my parents, Ericka price and kids, Jaci, robin and Gary.

Day 3: visitors were Shelby and Eric.

Day 4: beth, Tim, dad, Joshua, mom, Ethan

Day 5:

Day 6: robin and Gary

Day 7: mom

Day 8: came home & Bennett is a week old. Mom here.

Wednesday 23rd: mom dad Joshua

Thursday the 24th: mom here and faith Donnell

Friday 25th: mom, robin, Erika Holzinger

Saturday 26: robin grandma dorthy Marilyn dawn and Morgan

Sunday 27: Ericka Adalyn Dustin Eric Shelby Bri Bethany mom dad Joshua

Monday 28: Jennifer

Tuesday 29th of January: mom

Wed. Mom

Day 2 I got c section dressing off which I was really nervous about as it hurt really bad anyways and early AM of Day 3 it still does. Getting bandage off went fine and after over 32+ hours or so I finally got to take a shower. It hurts to move so much that I’m currently Leary of how I will take Bessie outside. Nurse Allie did this and happened to be an old associate of my moms. I was quite gassy soon after dressings were off and into night 2. She said once dressing is off, air gets in there and makes you gassy.

Night 2 thoughts: I miss Bennett so much. I truly never thought or imagined the love id have for him. I can’t stop tearing up just thinking about him.

Evening of day two. Ethan got to FaceTime him and still couldn’t figure out how he was here a month early and how he had so much hair. He’s sick so can’t see him and he’s bummed but rather play it safe.

How crazy that my placenta ruptured. I can’t believe all the blood from it. I still can’t believe he’s a premie knowing how big of a baby I was. Crazy to think I had a baby who is a nicu baby. He’s doing so good and am so eager to watch him continue to improve! He’s so stinking cute!

Of course I have the side effect of being terribly itchy after the epidural and receive meds for it for a few days.

Day 2 figured out he’s a silent puker. Hasn’t truly found his lungs yet. When he burps it’s really loud.

His ears especially the left one is all folded in like. Either from being tight in the womb or held it in the womb. Day two it’s already opening up and laying flatter lol

People on social media and doctors/nurses can’t get over how adorable he is. He truly is! One nurse even came up to me on day two and said he seriously has the most perfect round little face and also said she’s not supposed to tell patients that kind of thing.

FOOD LOG@ Hospital:

Day 1 food – nothing

Day 2 food – breakfast I ordered pancakes eggs and bacon and it tasted so good after not eating and such. I ate all of it. I didn’t eat lunch until like 2:30 and parents picked it up for me. Got a small pizza from mod pizza. Had a snack later off the snack cart of nutty butter cookies. Dinner was a little late and Daniel went out and got Wendy’s spicy chicken sandwich. The fries with ketchup was so yummy! I had Dr Pepper twice today and think I’m going to cut it back out ASAP. I also sipped on water and grape juice throughout the day today.

Day 3 food – grape juice and two packets of saltines. Ordered bacon eggs and French toast for breakfast. Had chicken tenders with fries Mac and cheese and side salad for lunch.

Day 4: breakfast was bagel, bacon, oatmeal’s, fruit parfait thing, biscuits and gravy. Lunch was same as yesterday’s. Dinner: daniel grabbed me a jimmy John sandwich that I ate at about 8:30pm.

Day 5: same breakfast as day two but also added oatmeal.

Room in night: Daniel and I had same thing-chicken tenders, fries, salad and cheesecake. Didn’t eat the salad though.

I drank a lot of grape juice while in the hospital. It was so good, especially on the sonic like ice at the hospital.

Said after a c section. Most likely wouldn’t poop for two days. Pooped twice on morning of day 3. Very painful!

Boobs haven’t leaked yet and it’s day 3.

Day 2 Mamaw sent bible verse psalms 100 over to read.

Mom and Daniels face when getting c section bandage off was so funny in hind sight. Otherwise Daniel almost puked.

7am-7:45am & 7pm-7:45pm.. only parents allowed in nicu as this is when staff do their shift changes aka rounds. 10-11pm, no one allowed as they do deep cleaning.

Only 2 adults at bedside at a time. Parent has to be with unless consent given prior.

Day 4: Nurses told Daniel that if he gets feeding tube out in the morning and goes 2-3 days doing well and such then he’ll be home by end of week. Feta feeding tube out in morning if his feedings tonight go well.

Day 4: stopped using wheelchair to go places. Walking was a lot and took a lot out of me though.

Day 5: 10am.. just found out we’re going home tomorrow!!! Doing a room in tonight in the nicu. Doing car seat check today. Signed for circumcision to take place. Lost a little weight which is ok.. weighing 5# 15oz now. Getting his feeding tube out soon too. Doing 14mL every hour now and getting fed every 3-4. Called Ronald McDonald house this morning and found out they were booked solid so to talk to Social worker however he’s going home now anyways so all is good!!! Update: got discharged around 4pm and while in the process got a call from doctor in nicu that since Bennett came back from his circumcision he hadn’t finished his bottles so he’s not coming home tomorrow now after all. We went down to see him and I cried the entire time practically and when we left to go home I bawled myself into a panic attack. I wanted my baby with me. I wanted to stay in same town as him. I wanted to keep bonding with him and yet I couldn’t. They said we could do the room in still but Daniel was to leave to go home for a while and with my emotions and such I knew I couldn’t go be with Bennett 1:1 and emotionally be able to do it until Daniel got back at night. I felt like a failure of a parent. Everything was so defeating. I felt guilt for not being with him much while at the hospital and then guilt from not truly bonding with him while he was in me. I missed my baby and yet he didn’t even know we were gone probably. I miss him so much. Looking at pictures of him almost makes it worse. I ended up crying myself to sleep this night. I also felt bad for what he’s gone through. Not fair to my baby that he didn’t get full term in my belly or that he almost died or was like lifeless when entering this world.

Day 6: went to hospital and was with Bennett all day. Just couldn’t get enough of him. This baby boy is my world and idk what life was prior to him. I feel so complete. I told Daniel that I know he’s our baby but I also feel he’s just my baby from the traumatic experience we went through. I can’t imagine ever splitting my love for another child. It’s crazy.. I didn’t know something was missing in my life but yet I feel so complete now. The love i have for him is like the feeling I had on my wedding day. So many emotions walking down the aisle out of love and then just overly happy for life to come being married to Daniel. Today we also FaceTimed grandma. Also got a massage in the nicu area on this day.

Will bleed for 4-6 weeks. If it becomes like a heavy period, call doctor. Same for if I get a temperature.

Rules for when Bennett comes home:

1. Only visitors in the evenings when Daniel is home from work. We don’t want Bessie getting all excited throughout the day with just me with numerous people coming over and knocking on the door.

2. No smokers will be allowed.

3. Must take shoes off at door and wash hands immediately. The less germs, the better!

4. Don’t be upset if we decline a visit, at least for the 1st month. Please be understanding.

Food brought over once home from hospital:

1 Faith Donnell brought Mexican

2 Mamaw brought frozen lasagna and bought dominos for lunch one day.

3 Erika Holzinger brought homemade chicken pot pie

4 mom made chicken Alfredo

5 sub sandwiches and chips from ican

6 mom made spaghetti

7 Mamaw and papaw visited again and brought fried chicken and sides from Bratchers

Umbilical cord fell off on Saturday the 26th of January 2019.

Joshua calls his toes dorito toes bc they feel like crumbs at the bottom of a dorito bag 🤦‍♀️

Some fun/interesting facts about my pregnancy. 🤰 👶

1. I have never taken a pregnancy test before. We found out we were expecting in the Moberly Regional Medical Center ER.

2. I never got to do the one week check ups or was ever vaginally checked out.

3. I never took any “bump” pics.

4. My belly button never changed, nor did I ever get that notorious “line” on my stomach.

5. I refused all birthing/education classes because I didn’t want to know what to expect and then panic if something went wrong. Which obviously this pregnancy and delivery was not the smoothest.

6. I never got into any maternity clothes. On the day of delivery, I entered the hospital in my regular jeans.

7. I worked up until day of delivery.

8. I never dilated as my cervix never opened.

9. Once at the hospital, I went from zero contractions to contractions every 2 minutes or less in a matter of minutes. This was me going into labor over my placenta.

10. I never wanted an epidural but I ended up getting a spinal tap.

11. I never dreamed I’d have a premie who ended up in the NICU.

12. I had zero medical complications during my pregnancy (besides extreme sickness), yet my placenta ruptured.

13. I never thought I could love something so much or that my life was so incomplete until now.

14. I never thought I could love Daniel anymore than I do, yet here I am completely smitten!

I love our little family so much, even if it is little and hadn’t experienced everything!